do i have to limit my freedom to be disciplined?
(~2.5 minute read)
Sitting down, telling myself, “Hey, you’re going to write today”, is no joke. But recently, I’ve noticed that the way I make myself feel when I tell myself that is like bad?
Bad is not the best word, more like I look down on my own self with my finger pointed like there’s an inferior me and a superior me. But, I’m learning that that’s not the experience I have to create, just to get myself to sit down and write.
I started writing because of all these things it made me feel – curiosity, relief, love, happiness – and when I add in that thin tone of “strict” it robs me of that experience. And I only have myself to look to because I’m the one creating that experience for myself. But I still want that routine and discipline because of the consistency it demands of me.
As I venture through this very strange, apocalyptic-type world, I’m learning that discipline is not synonymous with strict. Let’s consult our girl, The Cambridge Dictionary, shall we?
The Cambridge Dictionary defines discipline as “training that makes people more willing to obey or more able to control themselves”.
The first words that pop out to me are “more willing”. In order to achieve my desired results, the experience has to increase my willingness to be in the work (booooo yaaahhhhhh baby).
The next word that pops out to me is “obey”. I unpack that as discipline being a boundary I set, for a good that’s greater than me and reward that I’ll experience long-term. For me, that’s listening to the inner voice that has a more curious, encouraging tone (vs. the harsh, more critical one), respecting the boundaries I set, and listening to my Higher Power whenever He chimes in (which is 100% of the time). But this practice doesn’t have to be “strict”.
Our girl Cambridge defines strict as “strongly limiting someone's freedom to behave as they wish”. So, we have to limit our freedom to be disciplined?
Well, the answer isn’t black and white. There’s some grey in there. And the magical moments of learning actually come up when I break the routine.
In order to create discipline, there has to be routine, and when that routine is broken, I’m gonna have to have an honest conversation with myself. It’s in those moments that I’m forced to have tough conversations with myself. Here’s what me and myself are discussing through it all:
What was my experience right before I broke that routine? Some thing, someone, or an emotion usually triggers me to break the routine I’ve set. And when I ignore that, I’ve set myself up to break the routine again. I have to be real about what’s coming to the surface when respecting my routine feeeeeeels the most difficult.
Am I putting too much pressure on myself and “future surfing” that my entire plan is ruined because I broke the routine this 1 time? (Mmmmkay, sounds a lot more dramatic and unfair to myself now that I type that out). This is not being kind to myself, point blank, period. I’m huuuuuuuuumaaaaaaan dude. Sometimes I’m gonna break the routine simply because I’m a human that broke the routine and thats OKAY. As my therapist reminds me, if I talked to myself like I was talking to the 3-year old version of myself, I’d inherently practice a lot more kindness throughout the process.
Am I setting aside time for “play” and “rest”? Nicely sprinkled throughout my routine? If not, I’ll become resentful. There’s a reason gym guru’s promote rest days and even cheat meals. It’s not just about recharging, but it’s also about gifting myself for the work I’ve done. I deserve to do that and it’s unfair to expect someone else to do it for me.
Am I reminding myself of my why? Usually we create routines and practice discipline because we want something greater than who we are in that moment. There’s always a why and when I lose sight of that throughout the process, I’ll slip.
Woooo. A lot right? A ton actually. Extra special emphasis on, we’re all just huuuuuumaaaaan. And there’s nothing to figure out.
We were placed here to experience the journey, not the destination. Going the human route versus the “I’m gonna play God route” will always get you further along. Giving myself the benefit of the human experience in my daily practice to feel my emotions = A+++++.
Let life take you on the ride because you were put here for the journey, not the destination.
