this one’s dedicated to the patriarch(y).
(~4 minute read)
This month we celebrated Father’s Day. Daddy’s day. Daddy’s all across the land… well, they probably didn’t gather because the patriarchy ruined that concept for them BUUUUUUUT (I won’t come for y’all too hard) I have hope that they were celebrated adequately. Mean that genuinely (cause anyone who knows me, knows I ride for my dad – LOVE that guy).
Year after year, as Father’s Day crept around, I resonated with that “tense” sentiment of the father-daughter experience. It’s not an easy day for most, and for many, it’s triggering. My heart, love, and warmth are with you.
I’ve grown a craaaaaaaaap ton this year. Between my therapist, a support group, and challenging myself not to self-isolate, I’ve grown to appreciate the experience I’ve had as a girl who grew into a young woman with a father figure.
My dad is a freakin’ G. The first real n**ga I ever knew (my dad read this so… scuse my language? haaaaaha). My dad wears THE flyest suits and shades. He has warm, olive-toned skin and deep brown eyes. He likes to dye his hair, and that makes him look like a Cuban cartel leader. He has this way of speaking that takes up a well of space. His voice is hefty with swag. It bellows and echoes in the room. Everything about him is generous. He’s generous with his resources, time, and stories.
I not only inherited a lot of that generosity, but I got to receive it firsthand. He taught me a looooooooooot of stuff that I want to share with you. Regardless of where you are in your father journey, I hope some of his wisdom hits you the way it hits me, every time:
The heart of hard work is sacrifice. – When my sister and I were in elementary/middle school, we had a paper route. Bowie Blade stand up! One school night per week, we got the smell of dry, black ink under our fingernails. My sister and I sacrificed consuming our young brains with MTV, BET, and VH1 to get people their paper before the next morning. Were we “richly rewarded” or promised something? Heeeelllllll no, my daddy is Black. It was simply a value system my father abided by. It’s what got him from a tiny apartment in Southeast DC with 7 brothers and sisters to becoming the first man in his family to graduate from college (an Ivy League institution at that), start a successful business, and become a homeowner.
Make the wise, “hard” decision. There’s no use making your life more complicated with the easy way out. – Woooooooooooo, HATED to hear this one. But as a 27-year-old who has swallowed my pride and done this multiple times, I can honestly say, he’s right. The easy way out is the shiny, glittery object. It’s pretty, but it doesn’t do shit. Life is about making difficult decisions, and that’s not a bad thing. It means you’ve been given a great opportunity to hold great responsibility, and that’s something to look forward to.
Stay true to who you are. – “It’s a lot of tricksters out there Gabi”. LOL. My dad says this religiously, and he’s flippin' correct. People don’t do this intentionally, but a lack of commitment to the truth naturally tempts us to step outside of ourselves. There is no greater power than looking within and being who you know you are.
Focus on your craft. Don’t look to your right and don’t look to your left. Be determined about the prize your eyes are on. – At the end of the day, whatever we want to make of ourselves, we need to be masters of. If you want to be a human of love and generosity, be a master of practicing love in the most difficult situations and giving when you don’t feel like it. (Sounds a bit like #2 right?) When we look outside of ourselves to make our craft richer, we sacrifice a piece of ourselves too.
Smart man! It’s humbling to know this is where I’ve come from, but it makes me feel proud to know I have the ability to share it with people like you.
Celebrating the patriarchy is not exaaaaaaaactly on my 2025 bingo card. But restoring the internal father and empowered patriarchy in my own life is. I empower you to do some research and learn more about what this is for yourself. Life is worth living if you’re down for the journey, so get on the ride.
