(Self) Love is in the recovery.
This month, I want to expose a part of my current process. I realize people around me feel abnormally isolated. (Me included.)
No matter how lonely you may feel, or how lonely you physically are, you'e always held. Held by the Earth, God, your community, ancestors, and MORE <3
opens imaginary door (just go with it.)
Have you ever felt so ashamed about like a suuuuuper dark part? So much so that it needs to "die"? And that its existence is completely useless to you? And with the right “techniques” you should “allow it to float away”?
(It feels like optimistic avoidance and negligence for me.)
No shade to anyone out there that promotes or encourages this technique. It’s alive and thriving and does work for some people!
But for me, it feels like I’m creating more shame around my experience. And many days I feel guilty about having these very real feelings.
No matter what technique we practice, these feelings don’t magically go away. We have to do something about them and a great way to start that process is a conversation.
I had the benefit of being introduced to Flynn Skidmore by a friend. And to say he’s awesome is an understatement.
Flynn Skidmore is super big on "shaking hands" with those "darker" parts (for lack of better words). He explains it as having an open and welcoming conversation with your critical self.
Not gonna lie, this is freaky. Even in the most spiritual spaces, I've been told I have to change these parts of myself.
But what I'm learning is I have to change my relationship and approach. Because they're here to stay, potentially forever.
Here are three key takeaways that can help anyone resonating with my experience:
There’s more than 1 part of me that’s self-critical. That’s because there's an infinite number of selves I will encapsulate in my lifetime.
Denying a part of myself that’s self-critical is denying my humanity. I block off myself to exist in my purpose – beeeeeeeeing human, not doing human. I say all the time we are sources of infinite light, but we also have legs, body hair, mouths, and other weird things. Our sources of light are not the only thing that makes us who we are on earth. That self-critical part of you has something it wants to say – be gentle, kind, and a good listener with it. (You’d be surprised, it might show you the same energy.)
It's the human experience to hurt other people’s feelings. We say and do things that are douche-y and unaware. But sometimes we say something that touches another person’s wound and that has nothing to do with us. It’s not our responsibility to be responsible for other people’s emotions. We can control what and how we communicate our emotions.
What I’m really tryna get at here is this: being the best you, is being your most raw, empathetic human self. Being the best you, is about recovery.
We will inevitably f**k sugar-honey-iced-tea uuuuppppp. And not in a good way! And that is life's design. But it's in how we recover.
Am I going to avoid accountability? Am I going to say things like "I'm sorry I made you feel that way but..."? Nooooooo boo.
We're going to give ourselves the space to mess up, take ownership, and lean into recovery.
